Only the other day I was talking to a friend about how few are the couples we know, with or without children, who have not had some experience of stillbirth, miscarriage, or infertility problems. As a father of three healthy children on this earth, I find reading books like the one I’m reviewing today to be deeply helpful in reminding me that my life is not ‘normal’ or ‘standard’, and that in this broken yet beautiful world grief comes in a myriad of forms. This little book, You Are Still a Mother, is an 84-page gem – clearly aimed at women, but surely not read profitably only by them. As a man and a father, I empathised achingly with aspects, whilst appreciating Jackie’s honesty in the bits that I can only gaze at in gratitude for not having experienced them myself.
Despite it’s relative brevity, this is a rich book, that is theologically robust. As Jackie writes, “It is tempting to try to define God’s character by our experience…” (p.27), yet by digging deep into scripture, theology and church history, the truth of that statement and the deeper truth of God’s goodness that hides behind it, comes into view. By having a biblically high view of the human – unborn or otherwise – as well as a biblically humbling view of God, Jackie gets the balance right in my view, weaving her own personal painful story in with the bigger stories of Scripture. As she writes a couple of pages later, “Our finite minds cannot comprehend how a good God can ordain suffering, especially when our arms are empty. God is good, yes, but sometimes mysteriously so” (p. 29). The weaving together of painful reality and the underlying truth of God’s word is beautifully done here.
I particularly appreciated her brief summary of ‘Personhood in the Womb’, on pages 36-39, giving a beautiful glimpse of God’s view of this vital topic, in a way that helps grieving parents make some sense of why their grief is so real, and softly challenging the common view that can lead to ignorance: “Some might think that Scripture’s view of the unborn baby is a bit hazy, that it doesn’t really comment on life in the womb. But this is far from true!” (p. 36). Whilst this is not a book about, for example, abortion or other beginning of life ethical issues, it is a book that doesn’t shy away from difficult topics, the truth of the Bible, or the fundamental fact that challenges in life cannot be faced fully without digging in to what God says. It is in this digging that Jackie can share of her hope, under the heading ‘A Certain Reunion’: “Scripture pictures heaven as a place where the multitude of God’s elect are gathered, from nursing infants and weaned children (Isaiah 11:8), to saints to who lived to an old age on earth. The celestial city will be full of boys and girls playing in its streets (Zechariah 8:4-5). Our babies have gone before us to the heavenly scouts, and they are waiting there for us” (p. 52). She continues on with a quote from Thomas Smyth – and just as this book is about the future, it is also a book that digs into the past, with many apposite and warm quotations from those who have come before.
Overall, then, this is a small book that is truly weighty – tackling an incredible difficult topic with clarity, grace, and wisdom. I warmly recommend it to you, if you are looking for a book to help you or a Christian you know process stillbirth or miscarriage. She closes the book with a prayer from John Donne, and helpful ‘Suggestions for Further Reading’, including Silent Cries. Whilst this wasn’t an easy book to read, it is a very good book.
5/5
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